Awww look at the doggy...

I suppose the best way to start a blog is to tell you what I spend most of my time doing. Wagstaff (or Sir Wag of Staff, or Wags, or Waggles, or Waggy, or WigsWags, or ...) is our dog. No for those of you thinking it I don't spend my time 'doing' him, I spend most of my time 'doing' the job of dog owner.

This is him when he was a cute little puppy with big sad eyes. I could hold him in one hand. Yes he used to crap all over the house, but he was new then and him being our first dog we didn't mind, and to be fair he picked up the whole house training thing pretty damn quick really...


...Unfortunately he now weighs 4 stone, is still growing, and as Glen Lampshade might say he's not so much a dog as a lycanthrope. He jumps all over you when all you want to do is watch the TV in peace (in my case, he usually lands in the places where no man wants a 4 stone dog to land). He bites your hands constantly no matter how many times you beat the living crap out of him for doing it (that bit was a joke - thinking it doesn't count as animal abuse right??). His latest trick is to come up to us on the sofa all cute like wagging his tail, then like an SAS strike the TV remote's out of your hands and hes scrabbling on the laminate floor like roadrunner trying to get traction to scarper under the dining table with it.

Taking him to the park gets us out of the house, which is nice, until of course he sees other dogs when in his excitement he will either run round and round and round and round in circles pretty much forever or will lie on his back next to the other dog's owner and piss into the air because he's lost all control.

When he's not biting hands, mounting his cuddly toys (usually against us), running round like an eedjit or pissing all over strangers, he's asleep. His usual weekend routine is to wake up some ridiculous hour and wake us up by trying to eat our ears. He'll then moan and whine to go downstairs where he'll have what the girlfriend describes as a 'funny 5 minutes' (i.e. he runs around like an eedjit) which lasts just long enough for us to be wide awake. He'll then go back to sleep for another 4 hours while we watch teleshopping on the TV because most of the channels we watch DON'T START FOR ANOTHER 2 HOURS and all the shops are shut for another 4!

I really like my sleep. Why can't you just let me sleep...?